When I reached the age of 30 I realised there was something very wrong with my life, and there had been for a long time (but we’re not here to talk about that bit!). I was unhappy, unfulfilled, unmotivated, constantly anxious and just totally empty inside, it was a complete existential crisis. I felt like I had wasted the best years of my life, the youth of my twenties.
I had no idea where my life was going and seemed to struggle to address even simple problems, procrastination was king in my world.
After some soul searching, help from friends and a bit of research I signed up to a new GP, he instantly knew what was wrong, like I was made of glass and he could see inside me, after a few more doctors’ visits and NHS hoop jumping I got a diagnosis which I really didn’t want and tried to reject – Borderline Personality Disorder.
I felt like my world had come to an end, and remember thinking there is something so inherently wrong with me it can never be fixed, but thankfully I was so wrong in my assumption of the worst.
The more I thought about those words the more everything started to make sense, I finally understood why I felt and acted the way that I did and realised that it could all be fixed, it was just going to take a lot of time and effort.
I was referred for Dialectical Behavioural Therapy which is currently the preferred treatment method for this condition, and after 6 months the fog started to lift.
I realised I had no goals or objectives and needed to find some enjoyment and purpose in my life. Then one random September day, yet again lacking all motivation I started to watch YouTube after clicking on random videos for a while I found a documentary about Climbing Mount Everest, I watched intently I was fascinated and inspired by not only the physical strength of those attempting the summit but also the incredible mental strength required in order to get up there.
I started to think what’s stopping me from doing what they are? Well, a total lack of fitness, skill and £50,000 for a start! I looked more into what the Himalayas has to offer and I found the mountain I wanted to climb – Ama Dablam, it may not be the biggest mountain but I’m pretty convinced it’s the most beautiful.
So for the first time in my life I set a personal goal for myself, I will climb that mountain before I’m 40. This is the story of my new life…