My experiences of climbing outside have not been in anyway fun or productive. I have only tried bouldering and I just find it terrifying I constantly think I am going to fall, as soon as my feet are a metre off the ground that’s it I’m done.
My First time outside with a friend we went to a popular local crag called Shaftoe. It was a sunny spring afternoon and armed with a guide book we set off for the crag. When we arrived it all seemed pretty intimidating, everything looked high and I was so scared and anxious about trying to climb anything.
Times like these in my life make me feel really stupid, I can talk a good game about how I really want to do these things but when it comes to it I can’t get over my fears or maybe I just don’t try hard enough. These times make me question if I should really be trying to do any of this outdoors stuff, I will probably never be any good at it.
Certainly the only things I can list which I have achieved in outdoor climbing are marked failures, looking incredibly stupid and feeling even more stupid.
The first route we tried was awful the rock was like gritty sand paper just waiting to rip my skin open so we moved round to another area. My friend climbed some routes successfully but as I had become accustomed in life I was going nowhere.
On one route I just totally freaked out and my friend ended up holding me by the wrist while pointing out if I fell a metre I would likely be ok. I’m just so awful at this. Yet again my fear gets in my way.
My total inability to push past the fact I am scared I will fall leaves me seemingly incapable of bouldering both outside and in, even in the climbing centre I will choose to come down at the slightest hint of doubt.
I really want to try climbing outside with ropes, I seem to feel safe when I’m attached to something and I really need to build some better climbing skills and try to get over my fears if I ever hope to climb to over 6000m. But right now thinking about this and how it makes me feel, I doubt I will ever get anywhere near that mountain.